I’d Rather Be a Bitch Than Be Unsafe
Recently, CNN exposed a global “online rape academy” after months long investigation into a website and chat group centered around “sleep content”. “Sleep content” is based on the concept of sexually assaulting a woman while she is unconscious. This website was a mixture of pornography videos and chatrooms which hit 62 million visits in one month and whose core audience was nonetheless, in the United States.
So, let’s talk about the existence and massive reach of online spaces that normalize sexual violence. It is a reflection of something deeper, older, and far more embedded: a culture where misogyny is not only tolerated, but taught, shared, and rewarded.
I often talk about how sexuality, power, and safety are intertwined. This is a stark example of what happens when those intersections are shaped by entitlement instead of empathy. These kinds of platforms don’t just exist in a vacuum. they are built on, and contribute to, a belief system that frames women as objects, sex as something to take, and consent as optional or negotiable. When young men are exposed to this messaging at scale, it doesn’t just stay online. It shapes how they think, how they related, and how they move through the world.
This is how misogyny becomes normalized.
This is how violence becomes desensitized.
This is how entitlement becomes identity.
And while much of the conversation will focus on the shock value of the platform itself, many women are not shocked. Because the underlying reality, the lack of safety, is something they already navigate every single day.
Women are taught early to be vigilant:
Watch your drink
Text when you get home
Share your location
Don’t walk alone
Don’t trust too quickly
Don’t say too much
Don’t be too nice
Don’t be too cold
And even within intimate relations, spaces that are supposed to be safe, many women still assess risk. They read tone, they track shifts in moods, and they calculate safety in real time.
“You’re overreacting”
“You’re paranoid”
“You’re crazy”
“You’re being a bitch”
“You’re being difficult”
Let’s be clear: hypervigilance doesn’t come from nowhere. It is learned through experience, through stories, through patterns that are impossible to ignore. It is not irrational, it is adaptive. When the world repeatedly shows you that harm is possible, even probable, your nervous system learns to stay ready. And yet, women are asked to quiet that instinct in order to be more palatable. More agreeable. Less “difficult”.
But here’s the truth:
Being perceived as “likeable” has never been a reliable form of protection.
So many women are forced into an impossible equation:
Be kind, but not naive
Be assertive, but not aggressive
Be aware, but not “too much”
And when something does happen, the scrutiny often turns back on them, what they wore, how they acted, or whether they were “careful enough”. This is the environment that allows spaces like that online “academy” to thrive. Not because all men participate, but because enough harmful beliefs go unchallenged, minimized, or excused.
So when women stay alert…when they question…when they set firm boundaries…when they trust their instincts even when they can’t fully explain them…
That is not dysfunction. That is self-protection.
At Shameless Sensuality, we will always stand in the truth that your safety matters more than someone else’s comfort.
If being cautious means you’re labeled “too much”
If having boundaries means you’re called “difficult”
If trusting your gut means you’re seen as “crazy” or “a bitch”
THEN SO BE IT!
Because the alternative, silencing yourself to make others comfortable, has never made women safer.
You are allowed to take up space.
You are allowed to say no.
You are allowed to leave, to question, to protect yourself without apology.
And if the world hasn’t yet learned how to meet that with respect, that is not a reflection of your worth, it is call for deeper accountability.
We don’t need less vigilance for women.
We need more responsibility, more education, and more reckoning from the systems and mindsets that make that vigilance necessary in the first place.
Until then, choose yourself, even if it comes with labels, it is not only valid - it’s powerful.
Be the bitch they complain about, not the story they tell us about.🖤
**If you are interested in the CNN investigation and article, click the button below. However, this is a disclaimer that the report contains details of sexual assault and can be a difficult read.